this has been one of the craziest weeks of my life, no joke. 

it’s killing me having to hold everything inside, but I have to.  It really is one of those situations where I have to be careful about who I tell, because it could really hurt me and my family. 

i’m never going to let that happen though.  After Tuesday, I realized my brother and my cousins are who I need to be focusing on.  I cannot go around worrying about my mother ALL the time.  It is literally draining me dry.  I’m seventeen and I feel burnt the fuck out.  That’s the only way I can describe it.  I’m just mentally exhausted.  But I’ve realized I’m not the only one.  I have 4 other siblings that have gone through almost everything I have, if not more, and I haven’t once really considered how this is all affecting them.  Now that I have, I know I have the responsibility of taking care of them.  I mean, I’ve always been “taking care of them”, but now I really have to take care of them. Not just physically, but mentally.  I feel like if I can stop worrying so much about myself, and begin to focus on those around me, I’ll have some sense of purpose.  That’s really all I want and strive for, is to feel like I’m needed somewhere.  One day..