I will stick to my goals this year.  I have to, because if I don’t, I will never be able to control anything in my life. 

If I cannot stop smoking for a mere thirty days, to detox my system and finally become serious about my future, there is absolutely no way I will ever be in full control of myself. 

I’ve said I was going to quit so many times, even those closest to me don’t believe I can do it.  But I’m not angry at that, because I wouldn’t believe myself either after hearing it so many times.  I’m slowly finding myself, SLOWWWLLYYY, but I am.  I’m not saying smoking weed is a bad thing, and I’m not saying I’ll never pick it up again.  But Eberhardt was right, I could do so much more, have so much more potential if my brain was working right all the time.  And as much as I don’t want to admit it, as much as I want to believe I can get my shit together and still be a huge pothead, I cannot.. 

I’m not saying it can’t be done, but where I am right now, I need to focus on my health.  Both mentally and physically.  I want to be able to eat on my own without having to smoke first.  I want to be able to sleep through the night without having to smoke a bowl first.  I want to be able to be happy, handle life and everything it throws at me with a clear head.  During mock trial my friend Steven Todd said something to me I’ve never been able to forget.  He said that even though he feels like he can’t deal with his problems sometimes, he would rather deal with them head on, he would rather feel all of the pain, then try to get rid of it.  

That’s where I am now.  I’m tired of being reliant on marijuana.  I say I’m the most independent girl ever, but now it’s time for me to prove it.  And I will.  I know I can do it.  it’s probably going to be one of the hardest things I’ve had to do thus far, but all I can do is take it one day at a time.